Deafening Silence
Falling in and out of love life and reality, and oh, so fabulous. Writing all about it.
is a cry for help. I need it. A shoulder willing to be soaked with tears. Please, come forth with care and help me out :’[
I can’t take this pain… I love him. He’s my boyfriend and god damn my heart for making me feel this way. I want things between us to be perfect and I want us to be happy. I think about the negative possibilities and I get this horrible sick feeling… It makes me want to turn inside out and hide somewhere… He’s making me feel like we’re slowly drifting away and I can’t help but be upset. He makes me happy when we are together and when we’re not I feel so down and begin to miss him so much. I’ve never wanted anything in my life more than I want this to last. It hurts so much inside to think about this… I want to run to his house and tell him everything I’m feeling, but for many reasons I know that is a horrible idea. Gah if only he knew the things I felt and want to say but I can’t release anything amongst the caged emotions behind my locked lips.
Goddamn post lately has been about you. Whether that makes me sound bad or not, it’s just me telling the fuckin’ truth to my self out loud-ish. You keep your distance so well, saying things to me like “dude, bro, man” etc. And yeah it seems rediculous but it cuts deep bitch. You can put all of your effort into something in order to attempt building yourself a life away from something else, but it’ll never work. I’m T R Y I N G to get my shit together and your smile and whole presence fucks me every time I get close to pulling away!! It’s just like *WHAM* there you are, smashing down my walls with your ease and then walking away to build yours that seems to never fall. I’d never wish a bad thing upon anyone (especially you) and I hope that you get what you want from whatever you’re going for. I really do. And for all of the people who think “wow this bitch is DESPERATE” FUCK YOU TOO, because I’m just spilling here and not asking for your goddamn opinion. Capeesh?? I just want to get this off of my chest and that’s my own personal fucking dig so getthufunkouttahere with your bullshit kay?? Alighty, I’m out. Peace
As I sit here I am pondering why it is that I insist on putting myself in these situations in which I tend to fall for people whom I surround myself with… I care about you more and more with every time I see you and it kills me. I’m truly sorry that we have become close friends and then we get so far only to fall… :[ It seems that since the first day I met you, I wanted you to be mine. It bites ass!! X/ Oh well, I have someone who treats me amazingly and acknowledges me for whom I am and choose to be. You, on the other hand, seem to dislike me a lot and put up a front towards me. The closer we get, the more it seems that you push me away and I don’t like that at all. I’ve done a lot of very nice things for you, but it seems that I should just stop with all of the effort. And every time I seem to hang out with you, I want to leave and/or push you away. Screw this, I’m sitting right next to you, and thinking of how much I care about you without you knowing… I’ve wanted to tell you of my feelings time and time again but it isn’t as easy as my mind makes it seem. I’m sorry, but if this continues to go on, we won’t hang out anymore. I can’t continue with the emotional toll and the pressure of these thoughts and daydreams rushing throughout my head like blood through my veins. Like many people have said, I am honest throughout my writings and I’m writing this to tell you, without telling you, that I am indeed in more of like with you than just friends. Fuck these thoughts, and the alcohol running through me that is making me type a mile a minute and making me feel the things I feel except intensified times a billion… Fuck you, me, and everything we’ve ever had or have. I love you… Fuck those words too. Farewell… Until I log off… Because you are still here. F U C K… </3
And an infinite number of possibilities and reasons as to why I adore you <33
Thank you for being in my life hun. :] It makes all the difference.
an unsettling irony in the air tonight. A disturbing sadness, and something isn’t right. The air is thick with emotions stirring, and the heat just makes people irritable. But that’s besides the point…
Words were said between you and I and I’m sorry. You’re my amazing guy friend and I apologized to you because you mean so much. Amongst you, there are other people I should apologize to but I can’t gather myself to do it. So think of yourself as lucky… I can tell that you and I are going to be very close as long as things don’t become super tense. There’s no reason why they would but still, you feel me on that one. <3 Love you dude. Ahaha
thedevilsmaycry asked: heyyy (: omg how are u i miss youu !! =/
Hayyy!!! <3333 I’m great (for the most part) lol I misssss youuuu toooo!! You have N O I D E A!! :/ How are you??
